4 Ways to Fix Communication Breakdowns

Communication breakdowns often occur in the office, on-the-go, and in our personal relationships, for various reasons. And the effects of failed communication can be very damaging. Whether the problem is due to people not speaking up or from not listening intently, here are some tips for overcoming these communication breakdowns:

-Try not to rush. If you sound rushed and distracted when you say something, people may think you are not interested or feel offended, because it seems like they are unimportant to you.  If you do happen to be rushed, provide the other person with a brief explanation that you are very busy with something now, but do want to talk with later, so either you or they can contact you again.

-Confirm you’re on the same page. Often breakdowns occur because someone has false assumptions about someone or about something they expect someone to do and communicate based on those assumptions.   For example, a boss or co-worker assumes you already know something or you will be taking on a particular role or responsibility, when you aren’t.  In this case, it is best to confirm in conversation or in a memo or e-mail what you expect someone to do or what you understand they want you to do.  Then, if they don’t understand something the same way, they should tell you, so you are both on the same page.

-Encourage questions. Another reason for a communication breakdown is that someone doesn’t say something or ask for clarification because they don’t want to appear stupid; they feel shy or uncomfortable asking or explaining something; they want to be diplomatic by not bringing up a subject that might make others uncomfortable.  Or perhaps a person doesn’t want to admit he or she wasn’t listening or didn’t understand something, and hopes to figure it out later.   The approach to use here is to make the other person feel comfortable and safe to ask questions, even if he or she thinks he or she should know that.  Conversely, if you are unsure or unclear about something, ask.  If the boss seems hard to approach, try asking a co-worker.  Or try feeding back what you do understand and invite the other person to fill in what he or she also wants you to do.

-Practice active listening. Communication breakdowns also occur when people don’t allow time for others to ask questions or don’t take time to listen carefully to others themselves.  For example, a boss gives everyone instructions on what to do, but not everyone understands.  Or an employee doesn’t listen closely when instructions are given.  A tip here is to make sure everyone has understood what you have just explained and invite them to ask questions if they don’t understand something.  Another approach is to invite someone to provide a brief recap of what they think you said.  Conversely, if you are listening to instructions, actively engage your mind so you really listen.  For example, imagine yourself doing what you will be doing, as the other person talks. And afterwards, be ready to ask for clarification or examples if there is anything you don’t understand.

For more ideas on overcoming conflicts and communication problems, you can see some chapters fromDisagreements, Disputes, and All-Out War at www.workingwithhumans.com.

Gini Graham Scott, Ph.D. is the author of over 50 books and a seminar and workshop leader, specializing in work relationships and professional and personal development.  Her latest books include Want It, See It, Get It and Enjoy! 101 Little Ways to Add Fun to Your Work Everyday, both from AMACOM.  Gini’s Websites are: www.workwithgini.com and www.ginigrahamscott.com.

Read more: http://www.care2.com/greenliving/4-ways-to-fix-communication-breakdowns.html#ixzz1QfuKGT3N

"lssn2me™ Stepping Stones #10

The good book says we should love other people...all others. In fact, we should make relationships our number one priority. The good book also says relationships are what life is all about. As Mother Teresa said, "It's not what you do, but how much love you put into it that matters." Listening well is one very important component towards creating healthy, high functioning relationships of all types.

While our culture clearly emphasizes speaking over listening, listening is one of the most direct and powerful means to creating 100/0 relationships. It is also the foundation for great leadership, high performance teams and effective organizations.

We’ve all felt, at some time or another, that we’re not being heard. We’ve felt our comments have been dismissed, that our ideas aren’t valid, that our efforts don’t count. But those feelings don’t really stem from not being heard.

THE REAL ISSUE IS THAT SOMEONE WAS NOT LISTENING.

Do you feel like having a relationship, of any kind, with someone who doesn’t listen to you? Of course not. That’s why listening is so important to relationships. If you want an effective, constructive relationship with someone, you need to listen to – not just hear – what they have to say.

Automatic vs. Creative Listening

Most of us listen automatically, which takes two forms: not listening at all or listening judgmentally. Think about how you listen to someone you like vs. someone about whom you don’t feel so fondly. You judge what the former is saying more favorably than you judge what the latter is saying.

There are other manners of automatic listening as well:

Looking for a fatal flaw.

Thinking about how to respond.

Concluding what is being said is not valid.

Assuming we already know the information.

Trying to figure out how the information fits with what we already know.

With creative listening, on the other hand, you must determine who’s in charge. Is it you or your automatic thoughts and responses? Either the conversations have you or you have the conversations.

The first step to becoming a creative listener is to be aware of your automatic listener… and hit the off button.

 

NOW THAT IT’S QUIET, ASK YOURSELF:

What is the speaker’s commitment?

What are the possibilities?

What can I learn?

What is the speaker’s reality?

What are the speaker’s concerns?

Where can we align?

What will work?

When we choose to listen creatively, we give people a genuine chance to be heard. We also offer our teams and organizations the chance to have true collaboration, communication, creativity, risk-taking and trust. It takes real commitment and self-discipline. Once you begin listening creatively, you’ll find not only your communications will flourish, so will your relationships.

Creative listening is a piece, a very important piece, of giving 100 percent in your relationships.

4 PRINCIPLES OF LISTENING

1.Listening grants others the power of speaking.

2.Listening is a gift, be generous with it.

3.What we listen to is more important than what we say.

4.Communication is what is heard, not what is said.

Why is listening so difficult for so many? (Here are some insights by the International Listening Association)

*Most of us are distracted, pre-occupied or forgetful about 75% of the time we should be listening.

*We listen at 125-250 words per minute, but think at 1,000 – 3,000 words per minute.

*Immediately after we listen to someone, we only recall about 50% of what he or she said.

*Long-term, we only remember 20% of what we hear.

Listening has been identified as one of the top skills employers seek in entry-level employees as well as those being promoted. More than 35 business studies indicate that listening is a top skill for success in business.

Have a conversation with someone. Take notice of your automatic listening, and choose to listen creatively.

“Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; Courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.” Sir Winston Churchill

(Excerpt: "100/0% Principle" - The Secret of Great Relationships. Author: Al Ritter. Publisher: Simple Truth)

"Forgiveness" lssn2me™ Stepping Stones #9

"lssn2me™ Stepping Stones #8 - "Courage"

The Light at the End of the Tunnel
Nothing is Insurmountable

There is nothing in your life that cannot be overcome; whatever the situation or problem, there is always a solution.

When our next best course of action seems unclear, any dilemmas we face can appear insurmountable. Yet there is nothing we cannot overcome with time, persistence, focused thought, help, and faith. Whatever the situation or problem, there is always a solution. And if you remember to look within, even as you search around you for the “right” course of action, you will be able to center yourself, clear your mind, and see that nothing has to be impossible. 

The first step in overcoming any obstacle is to believe that it can be overcome. Doing so will give you the strength and courage to move through any crisis. The second step is to make a resolution that you can prevail over any chaos. Enlist your support network of family and friends if necessary. The more minds there are to consider a problem, the more solutions can be found. Don’t discount ideas just because they seem impractical or “unrealistic,” and don’t keep searching for the “best” alternative. Often there is no “best” choice, there is only a choice to make so we can begin moving beyond whatever is obstructing our path. At the very least, making a choice, even if isn’t the ideal one, can give you a sense of peace before you have to figure out what your next course of action will be. 

If you feel overwhelmed by the scope of your troubles, you may want to think of other people who have turned adversity into triumph. We often gain a fresh perspective when we remember others who have overcome larger obstacles. It can be inspiring to hear of their victories, helping us remember that there is always light at the end of every tunnel. It is during our darkest hours that we sometimes need to remind ourselves that we don’t have to feel helpless. You have within and around you the resources to find a solution to any problem. And remember that if a solution or choice you make doesn’t work, you are always free to try another. Believe that you can get through anything, and you will always prevail.(DailyOm)

"lssn2me™ Stepping Stones #7

 

How to Live a Life of Integrity

1.We must first want to develop the characteristics that make up a person who lives with Integrity. How do we accomplish this? By having the willingness to be consistent in producing quality work, being honest with ourselves and others and striving for excellence even when we fall short. We are not perfect and we will make mistakes, but don't give up if it isn't your best work; don't give up if you weren't honest with yourself or others; don't give up if your attempt of having an excellent attitude or being excellent in any area was a bit off today. It's ok! Just remember to keep pushing continuously towards quality, towards honesty and towards excellence. One day and one step at a time. It's a process and it will not happen overnight. Embrace the Journey!

2.Making a list of values is simply putting pen-to-paper on what you believe is Important to You. If, after discovering your top 5 values, you find that there is anything in your life, your relationships, or your work that you are not truly pleased with, then begin by changing the person you are. For example - If your top 5 values were, let's say - Spirituality, Family, Income/Wealth, Personal Growth and Wisdom, then start by making a diligent attempt to search within to find out if your values are as important to you as you say they are. Second, develop a good understanding of what your values are and put the importance of those values into action. For example - If Spirituality is one of your top 5 values, then try spending more time establishing a relationship with God. If Family is at the top of your list, then spend more quality time with your family. If Income/Wealth is important, then put in what you want out. For a list of values, perform a search on Google.

3. Keeping your word is another awesome characteristic of living a life of Integrity. If you make a promise to someone, try not to break your promise (this can be very difficult when unforeseen circumstances or situations arise). It's understood that we can't predict the future; however, if we make an attempt to keep our promises, they are usually, 99% of the time, fulfilled. That grey area of having to back out of a promise is rare but it happens. The good news is that you will not be looked upon as a person who can't keep their promise. The times that you kept your word always outweighs the few times that you didn't.


4. No compromises here! I don't have to tell you how and when to choose right from wrong. You already know what you know!!!! There will be times when you will be faced with choosing right over wrong and no matter what anyone thinks, feels or say, don't compromise what you believe. It may cost you a job/career, a friendship, a material possession, etc. but you will know that you choose a hard right over an easy wrong and can walk away knowing that you did the right thing! Let me tell you, it's nothing more refreshing than knowing that you gave up something wrong for something right. What an awesome Exchange! Read more: How to Live a Life of Integrity | eHow.comhttp://www.ehow.com/how_4735904_live-life-integrity.html#ixzz1NEs6iz8

"lssn2me™ Stepping Stones #6

Trust is the foundation for intimate, secure and successful relationships. It must be earned and maintained with consistent actions. But building trust and feeling like your partner is trustworthy are not always easy for those who have had their trust betrayed.

Trust has to be a living, breathing entity in order for a relationship to survive. This applies to romantic relationships, family relationships and friendships. So when your trust is violated, how do you overcome that and restore trust in a relationship? If you have the desire to try rebuilding trust in a relationship again or just learn to trust again in general, we have some steps to get you there.

Children learn how to build trust in a relationship with their parents or caretakers early in their development. If parents are consistent in responding to their child’s needs, then that child will learn to trust them and their environment.

As a child gets older, trust takes on a different form because children can process why they trust and why they don’t. It’s especially important for children to grow up in a trusting environment so that they learn how important trust is. This knowledge carries over in their attitude toward the world and all of their future relationships.

Trust may seem like an obscure concept, difficult to define. Sometimes you can’t tell if you truly trust someone, especially when you have no past experience to base it on.

Trust isn’t an emotion. It’s a learned behavior that we gain from past experiences. It is hope and dependability, and putting confidence in someone.

Trust is also a risk. But you can’t be successful when there’s a lack of trust in a relationship that results from an action where the wrongdoer takes no repentance or responsibility to fix the mistake.

Unfortunately, we’ve all been victims of betrayal. Whether we’ve been stolen from, lied to, misled, or cheated on, there are different levels of losing trust, some more devastating than others.

Regaining trust can seem as likely as winning the lottery. You may want to have faith in your partner again, but when it comes down to it, you simply don’t know how to start regaining trust in a relationship.

Sometimes people simply can’t trust anymore – they’ve been too badly hurt and they can’t bear to be that vulnerable again. It’s understandable, but if you’re willing to build trust in a relationship again, we have some tips:

Learn to really trust yourself
If you don’t trust yourself, meaning your ability to have good judgment and to make good choices, how can you trust someone else?
Just keep in mind that once your trust has been violated, your defenses start working overtime to protect yourself. Pay closer attention to your instincts and keep working on building trust in yourself.

Grieve
When a loved one dies, the natural grieving process tends to come in five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These five stages can also occur when you lose trust in someone.

Don’t fight any of these stages. You’ll usually get through all of them – with time. Forgiveness can also be added as the sixth stage in regards to trust. If you can find it in your heart to forgive, then you’ll be able to release anger and hurt.

Stop labeling yourself the victim
If you’ve been betrayed, you are the victim of your circumstance. But there’s a difference between being a victim and living with a “victim mentality.” At some point in all of our lives, we’ll have our trust tested or violated.

Some people choose to wallow in the sting of betrayal while others make an effort to overcome it. If you choose to become a wallower, you will stifle your ability to truly heal because you’ll end up angry and blaming everyone else for something you actually have more control over than you think.

You didn’t lose “everything”
When we’re severely betrayed, such as being cheated on in a relationship, we tend to feel like we have lost everything that means anything to us. Once trust is lost, what is left?

Instead of looking at the situation from this hopeless angle, look at everything you still have and be thankful for all of the good in your life.
Seeing the positive side of things doesn’t mean you’re ignoring what happened. Instead, it’s a healthy way to work through the experience to allow room for positive growth and forgiveness.

Keep your expectations high
Avoid situations that share the same pattern of circumstance where your trust was violated. On the flip side, it’s also important to recognize that just because you’ve been violated before doesn’t mean it will automatically happen again.

You have to stop the harmful belief that any new relationship will end up the same way. If you fall into this way of thinking, not only will you sell yourself short, but you may also throw away a great possibility because you’re too scared of being hurt again. Also, remember that when you give someone the best, you deserve the best in return. Don’t settle for anything less.

Losing trust in someone can have a devastating effect on your relationship, as well as your sense of self-worth, but building trust in a relationship again is possible. It takes a willingness to work on both yourself and your betrayer, but trust can be won back. And when trust in a relationship is regained, it is truly healing.
 

lssn2me™ Stepping Stone #5

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